Addiction

I wake, unprepared for the day
I wonder how I let it get this far
I thought I was strong enough
I thought I had it under control
I thought it would never happen to me

It started with the uncontrollable anxiety
The feelings of panic and disorder
As if something were wrong, I became ill
I began thinking irrationally, looking for a way out
I take a pill, soon all will return to normal

You became my comfort, my shelter from life
An easy excuse to hide, so easy to numb the pain
I soon began relying on you for more than my anxiety
The possibilities for relief appeared endless
I was deceived, I thought you to be a wonder drug

You stopped the nightmares of the beatings
You hid the heartache of living a lie
You allowed me to move forward, as if nothing were wrong
You gave me the strength to pretend I was happy
You provided me with a false sense of reality

When I had trouble sleeping, you were there to rescue me
When I could not eat, you gave me back my appetite
When I wanted to make my thoughts stop, you were there to distract
When I wanted to escape, you showed me the way
When I wanted to hide from myself, you secretly helped me

As the time passed our relationship began to falter
My life began spinning quickly out of control
It became clear that you were not my friend, but my enemy
You imprisoned me within false walls
You took my life away

You trapped my emotions, you stole my soul
You brought me to fear and hate myself
You enabled the horror known as my eating disorder
You taught me how to lie and hide it all
You caused me to become utterly miserable

You took away my hope and trust
You replaced it with doubt and anger
You left me second guessing my every thought and action
You made me live in constant paranoia
You caused me to settle, rather than strive to be better

You damaged my life, my family, and my relationships
You have encouraged so many of my bad decisions
You destroyed my spirit, you took away my desires
You kept me from realizing my full potential
You have cheated me out of so much

I am no longer your victim, I am no longer fooled
I have taken my life, my soul, and my dreams back
I am living and loving, rather than merely existing
I am happy, I can feel, I am free
Fuck you Xanax, I have won….