Obscure to the feeble minded
Unaccepted in life by most
Folding the boundaries of sanity
Faces frozen with blank stares
Spirits trembling at the sight
Fears fill the empty silence
Emotions tumbling into the unknown
Leaving upon the heart a black shadow
Burning an imprint upon the soul
Devastating all that is ordinarily known
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction
Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
Our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down
Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change
Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind
Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
Sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot
Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure
These days continue, things we cannot change
Oh, my love I came to you
With best intentions
You laid down and gave to me
Just what I'm seeking
Celebrate we will
Because life is short
But sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change
Things we cannot change
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Best Decision
For nearly 15 years of my life I have been on a downhill slide, making bad decisions and wasting away precious moments of my life. Searching endlessly for anything and everything that could possibly fill the empty void torturing and holding my soul hostage. Careless behaviors, drugs, men, more careless behaviors... followed by more drugs... and more men... and more drugs... and more men... and more careless behaviors... my life has been a circle of complete fucking misery, ignorance, and chaos for entirely too long.
I am tired of handing out bits and pieces of myself to men who honestly do not, and never will give a shit about who I really am as an individual. The feelings of emptiness, disgust, and regret would always follow. Not to mention the constant disappointment of never actually getting to have an orgasm. A pointless and meaningless cycle of going through the motions just for the sake of an attempt. Every time hoping it would somehow feel different the next time... hoping for once it would actually feel right... hoping it would somehow fill the void...
So then a million more careless behaviors and bad decisions later I get married... to a man that I know I am not honestly in love with... I knew it was wrong before I did it... I ask myself still... Why?... Another attempt to fill the void... A want to shift my already painful life in a different direction... A situation that I was guilted and bullied into... A situation that obviously did not have a chance at lasting... thank fucking goodness!!!
Typically you would think that I had learned my lesson by this point, having already shit a total of approximately 11 years of my life down the drain. Nope!!... I proceed to, for the second time, fall utterly head over heels in love with a man, who years before I had shared some extremely brief, but beautiful moments with. A man who since the first night I met him, captured my soul. A man that for the first time, truly filled the emptiness that had for so long plagued me. A man who came with a guarantee of at least five orgasms with every experience. YES!!! A man who although repeatedly confessed his undying love for me, refused to leave his wife. GASP!!! What a totally fucked up situation it was... Can't blame him for the outcome... I totally knew better... It just felt so perfect that I didn't care...
So here I am, at the been failing for fifteen years mark, starting a new year of my life... with a great big broken beautiful emptiness within my soul... and a determination to pick up and put back together the pieces of myself lying broken, and scattered upon the ground. Have I learned to quit making unwise decisions?... I guess only time will reveal the entire truth. But for now I have made one clear decision... the best decision that I have made for myself in a long time... after years of trying and failing, I have officially given up... the funny part is I do not feel defeated... I feel relieved and at peace... the void and emptiness have gone... No longer am I handing out random parts of myself... I have gathered the pieces back up and I am selfishly hanging on to all of me...
It feels fabulous...
I am tired of handing out bits and pieces of myself to men who honestly do not, and never will give a shit about who I really am as an individual. The feelings of emptiness, disgust, and regret would always follow. Not to mention the constant disappointment of never actually getting to have an orgasm. A pointless and meaningless cycle of going through the motions just for the sake of an attempt. Every time hoping it would somehow feel different the next time... hoping for once it would actually feel right... hoping it would somehow fill the void...
So then a million more careless behaviors and bad decisions later I get married... to a man that I know I am not honestly in love with... I knew it was wrong before I did it... I ask myself still... Why?... Another attempt to fill the void... A want to shift my already painful life in a different direction... A situation that I was guilted and bullied into... A situation that obviously did not have a chance at lasting... thank fucking goodness!!!
Typically you would think that I had learned my lesson by this point, having already shit a total of approximately 11 years of my life down the drain. Nope!!... I proceed to, for the second time, fall utterly head over heels in love with a man, who years before I had shared some extremely brief, but beautiful moments with. A man who since the first night I met him, captured my soul. A man that for the first time, truly filled the emptiness that had for so long plagued me. A man who came with a guarantee of at least five orgasms with every experience. YES!!! A man who although repeatedly confessed his undying love for me, refused to leave his wife. GASP!!! What a totally fucked up situation it was... Can't blame him for the outcome... I totally knew better... It just felt so perfect that I didn't care...
So here I am, at the been failing for fifteen years mark, starting a new year of my life... with a great big broken beautiful emptiness within my soul... and a determination to pick up and put back together the pieces of myself lying broken, and scattered upon the ground. Have I learned to quit making unwise decisions?... I guess only time will reveal the entire truth. But for now I have made one clear decision... the best decision that I have made for myself in a long time... after years of trying and failing, I have officially given up... the funny part is I do not feel defeated... I feel relieved and at peace... the void and emptiness have gone... No longer am I handing out random parts of myself... I have gathered the pieces back up and I am selfishly hanging on to all of me...
It feels fabulous...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Relentless
Daylight surrenders. Darkness
littered with stars, the night
sky is silent. Thoughts
about the day, voices question
life’s mysterious wanderings.
Freedoms of loneliness. Desires
overtaken by sorrows, hidden
beneath the surface. A
beautiful emptiness touches
secret memories, pleasuring
the soul as life moves on.
littered with stars, the night
sky is silent. Thoughts
about the day, voices question
life’s mysterious wanderings.
Freedoms of loneliness. Desires
overtaken by sorrows, hidden
beneath the surface. A
beautiful emptiness touches
secret memories, pleasuring
the soul as life moves on.
Friday, January 14, 2011
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